???

  I don't understand why the heck I am sad all the time. Most the time I am depressed. Like tonight is Saturday night and I have texted people in my phone to see if they want to hang out and I got rejected by ever one of them. this exact same thing happened yesterday on Friday night. what the hell is so wrong with me that I don't have friends and cant make them. I try to be a happy person who people could like but it just doesn't happen.

    At the same time I don't want to put what my thought are on this blog because Mr. Nelson could be reading what is on my mind.... I'm not sure if that a good thing or bad thing. For all I know he only reads the ones that he thinks is interesting. He doesn't want to read about a kid who is depressed and feels alone. He probably wants to read about happy Indie blogs, at least that's what John Reeder says. I don't know what to do anymore.
 
    I have a 3.8 GPA and freaking 18 on my ACT. like freak!!! John Reeder got a 27 on the ACT and he doesn't seem like he cares about school maybe he does. hes a good kid and probably just hides it but maybe he studied like crazy to get that for all I know. but i got a freaking 18 school and going to college means everything to me to be able to to support my family and future kids and wife. I want to be able to be the dad that mine was never around to be. but I will fail if I cant get into to college.
   
     I watch all these kid inside of the school of lone peak. there is about 2200 students at this school and yet me one of the 2200 feels so alone and an outsider. what am i an Allen. do i have weird creepy antennas sticking out of my head?? do i have green skin. do i have an abnormal head. whats wrong with me? what do I need to do to help myself be better, what do i need to do to make friends. what do i need to do to be the cool kid in school? the kid that everyone loves and talks to and hangs out with.

    I come from a family that was taught to hide your feelings that you arent supposed to talk about them that its a bad thing. that your a cry baby. i am the youngest in my family and i have 4 older brothers who teased the crap out of me. when did the phrase " sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me." get so much fame? that phrase is complete bull! i would rather be beat with rocks and sticks then be attacked by words. words hurt and you can defend your self from the pain.

  blahh blahh blahh i bets thats all your thinking if you actually read through this. your probably thinking some people have it worse off so stop feeling bad for your self. well when do i get any simpathy for how much my life sucks and how much i struggle? i understand that people have it worse off then i do, but im actually out telling people saying " HEY SOMETHINGS WRONG" i want someone to vent on and have them help me through my struggles because to them they know i would do the same for them.

 AM I A TOURIST....???? PROBABLY BUT HEY I TRIED...

One Word

      Done tire alone troubled stress sad pity gloomy depressed angry scared mad happy crazy why annoyed friends nonexistent love wife family home bored no one pondering eyes pain twitch cant open iPhone ipod ihome ilife irelationship simple easy perfect steep jug water thirsty mega pixels screen color technology advance brick door blinds table fish punch lip reading save understanding crazy nerd stupid act stress win football lone peak knights blessings wrong bracelet pen pencil pen state pentagon blank box homeless drugs sex sin Jesus atonement Mormon believe do I in what nail hammer broken finger screen hamlet food bad food tire sleepy eyelids

You tube.

Over the weekend my friend showed me these videos you should go watch them when you get home. they are the funnest videos..

BLR videos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjGk_jU6t5A


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmxSk0wZxss

Direct Orders

 Rock out like its Friday night and you can sleep in for two days in a row.

 

 Rock out like your eating your favorite Cereal.

 

 Rock out like you are the Regan Champs.

 

 Rock out like you just dont care.

 

 Rock out because you will BE THE CHANGE.

 

 Rock out like you just confessed you soul to someone and they didnt reject you!!!

 

 Rock out like your in Love.

 

 Rock out like you just found out your the best dancer ever.

 

 Rock out like rockers rock out.

 

 Rock out like you dont have to grow up.

 

 Rock out like your favorite song.

 

 Rock out like your singer you favorite song.

 

 Rock out like you just found out that you have a new nephew.

 

 Rock out like you just got your brothers hand written letter.

P.S.

I know that poem looks like a big beast of a thing, skip it and read on other post, help me know what i do okay and what needs improvement.

DUCT TAPE

Duct Tape Will Fix Most Anything

By Elton Camp

It’s one of the most versatile products I’ve seen

Duct tape, whether it’s gray, brown or even green

Any cracked tiles you don’t really need to replace

A bit of sticky tape will hold them right in place

Is your radiator hose getting about ready to burst?

It won’t, as long as you wrap it with duct tape first

And if you’ve got a slit in your car’s vinyl seat

A piece of duct tape will close it up ever so neat

If your throw rugs are always trying to scoot around

Duct tape the bottom to keep them were they’re found

It will hold electric extension cords down to the floor

So that you can walk and not trip over them any more

It’ll also hold electric wires together after a splice

Wider than electrical tape so that it work so nice

If the rearview mirror should try to drop from the car,

Duct tape will keep it from drooping down quite so far

If your brother’s visiting child is noisy as well as cute

It can work quite well to put the odious brat on mute

An envelope it will seal up very secure and tight

In case the taste of glue isn’t exactly your delight

It will easily close up a partial bag of potato chips

In case the bag isn’t one of the type that zips

If the batteries in the TV remote control pop out,

Duct tape will safely hold them in without a doubt

And anytime that your shoe laces happen to break

Just keep your shoes fastened with some duct tape

If the dryer should leave some lint on your clothes,

Don’t need a brush, duct tape works better than those

If your old car has, in spots, completely rusted through

Then some pieces of duct is all you need to make do

If the heel of your sock has grown a lot too thin,

Duct tape will make it just like new once again

If suspicions of your wife’s trust you have felt

Then it will make an emergency chastity belt

But one thing the manufacturer truly does feel

Is that any leaking duct work it won’t much seal

Freaking Bricks AND Freaking Duct Tape

THESE ITEMS TELL THE STORY OF MY LIFE.....

You might be asking why??

These two things can be so important in our everyday life!!

Just think of all the things that you could use them for, and dont tell me you dont know or cant think of any because that would be.... that would be.... that would be.... ummm..... you know that crap and you suck at thinking and trying if you cant make a list.

All the things we can use these for may be way important, maybe even life saving.

some may be just simple things that just help you out...

but after everything that they do for you YOU FORGET ABOUT THEM AND PUT THEM ON A SHELF AND FORGET  ABOUT THEM TILL YOU NEED HELP AGAIN, AND SURLY THEY WILL BE WAITING, READY TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR EVERY NEED, KNOWING THAT EVENTUALLY YOU WILL PUT THEM ON THE SHELF AGAIN. (you could be thinking why the heck are you yelling at me right now, freaking all caps stop yelling at me.) but this is how I feel...

You always forget about those things till you need help again.

Have you ever thought that we might be tired of being USED!!!

We try to do all that we can to be their for you and when we need some help you blow us off and wont help us at all.

I guess like a brick and like duct tape, I  WAS CREATED TO HELP PEOPLE OUT, AND GIVE MY HEART AND SOUL TO HELPING AND GIVING SERVICE.

oh well I love me for me and I know I try my best.

Fall Colors

Sometimes pictures can say so much then words.

on my way to see my brother and his new baby the canyon showed this....

 

 

with Fall, soon comes winter...

 

 



 

and I welcome you winter. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

What my bones say...

          I walk through the halls all alone. I act like I don't pay attention to the people around me. I have gone through most of high school ALONE.

         I DON'T NEED YOU and  YOU DON'T NEED ME





 

               Their are so many people in high school who rely on other peoples attention and praises. aka the popular people. I don't have friends. You say your my friend, but lets be serious! You don't give a _____ about me. To my face you'll say oh year were cool, were friends, but the fact of the matter is.

 

YOU DON'T CALL, YOU DON'T TEXT, YOU DON'T TALK TO ME, i am so alone, YOU DON'T ASK HOW I'M DOING, if you do ask , I will lie and say I'm good, great, or awesome with a fake face.(yes I have learned the face) If you were my friend, YOU WOULD KNOW I AM LYING THAT I HAVE PUT ON THE FACE, to hide all and any suspicion.

 

    

So they stopped understanding and sent the angry kid to a boys’ home – St. Swithin’s. Used to be funded by the Wayne Foundation. See, I figured it out too late. You have to hide the anger. Practice smiling in the mirror. Like putting on a mask. You showed up one day in a cool car, pretty girl on your arm. We were so excited – Bruce Wayne, billionaire orphan. We made up stories about you. Legends. The other boys’ stories were just that. But when I saw you I knew who you really were...

 

I’d seen that look on your face. Same one I taught myself.

 You don't know me, you don't care about me. If i died you wouldn't even know I was gone, if you did you would forget about me soon after.

-The Dark Knight Rises

 I walk a lonely road the only one that I have ever known, don't know where it goes but its only me and I walk alone.

 

Why would I want YOU in MY LIFE if I know that you will leave me in the END.

       PROVE TO ME that you actually care about me and care who I am. Ill give you that same respect until you show me that you wont do the same for me.

  

 You who read this are the first to hear what my bones actually say...

 

 

 



Poem Jacked

..Vets..

All you need to do is look,
For they are everywhere.
They carry with them a protected heart,
They see with a special stare. They are America's combat Vets,
That many have set aside.
But they speak in words that resonate,
The feelings deep inside. For they have witnessed a Heaven's Gate,
And cheated the Reaper Sythe.
Nothing quite so important now,
Their memories never die. Just yesterday I met another,
Who mentioned his tour in 'Nam.
We spoke of times and dates and things,
Lost time in an afternoon sun. Yet so in touch with simple things,
This Brother with the widening grin,
He opened his heart and showed me still,
There's room for another one in..*g

Thoughts

         There are som many things that run throught my mind.

Mean Thoughts, happy thoughts, angry thoughts, weird thoughts, depressed thoughts, some times no thoughts at all.

     Thinking really makes all the emotions of life come out and smack you it the freaking face!!
This weekend I didnt have the most positive thoughts, I wasnt very happy.

   So when you have un happy thoughts listen to the song THREE LITTLE BIRDS by BOB MARLEY